Damn Kids!
by Zero134
Summary: Chuck Norris meets our beloved Kingdom Hearts characters, Axel is punching the wall, Riku is wearing a maid's outfit, and Roxas is oblivious to them all. Major OOC! Beware before you read! All made for humor, this is how I imagine their days to go ;


Damn Kids! 

_Summary: This is how my mind visions our beloved Kingdom Heart's characters and their usual days. Yes they are highly OOC, but this for humor only. Please read it :) _

_Reviews would be awesome! :D _

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Sora glared at his ugly girlfriend, wondering why in the world he ever even went out with the whore. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"Your face," She replies snobbishly.

Axel walks in. "Hey bitches! How goes it?"

Sora sighed loudly. "Kairi's pissing me off."

Axel lifted an eyebrow. "Again?"

Kairi was offended, even though nobody even cared, "Hey!"

"Fuck you bitch," Axel snapped at her casually, "and get outta here before I call my puppy."

"Puppy?" She looked bored. "What puppy?"

"Dammit! Come here boy!" Axel whistled, clapping his hands. Soon enough, a large mangy dog trotted through a window, shattering it into thousands of tiny pieces.

He opened his mouth and barked, "What the fuck do you want you asshole?"

Axel threw a glass at him, missing by a mere inch. "Get your ugly piece of shit ass over here or I won't feed you for a week."

Dammit was there in mere seconds.

"Kill Kairi," Axel commanded stiffly. "Then take her outside and feed her to your ugly dumbass girlfriend."

Suddenly Farmer Brown walks in. "Hey you damn kids. Your ugly mutt fucked up my wife's flowers!"

Axel punched the wall, breaking a hole through it. He cried out in pain, blood oozing out from his fist.

Sora spoke up, "Sorry sir. We'll—"

Farmer Brown flicked him off. "Not you. Who's the owner of this wreck of a house?"

Axel giggled. "Your mom."

Farmer Brown growled and turned to see Dammit eating Kairi. She was already dead. "What the hell is goin on?"

"That's none of your business old man." Axel snarled. "Now get the fuck outta here."

"Not until you fix my wife's flowers! She's gonna kill me!"

"That's it." Axel then called, "Riku you man whore! Get your face over here!"

Riku walks in wearing a girlie maid outfit. "What?"

"Kick this guys ass," Axel ordered, waving his hand offhandedly at the seething Farmer Brown. "Make it fuckin die!"

"Fine." Riku flipped his hair.

Farmer Brown eyed him in horror. "What the hell is wrong with kids these days? Your hair is gray! Not even mine is gray! You're so young! Why'd you dye your hair gray?"

"Kairi said it was the style." Riku replied, walking (in his high heels) to grab Farmer Brown by the collar. "You're coming with me."

Mickey pokes his head from the doorway, "But Riku, aren't ya coming back? I thought we were gonna ride again? Remember? Ride me cowboy?"

Riku gasped. "Love, I'm so sorry, but I gotta kick this faggot's ass."

Mickey sobbed. "Fine fine." He vanished back into the room.

Suddenly Chuck Norris walks in and everyone bows before the famous man.

"Where is Bruce Lee?" Chuck Norris speaks and Sora dies from the magical yet deadly sound of his voice. Good thing everyone else covered their ears.

"Bruce Lee?" Riku asked, his mascara smeared under his eyes. "Who the hell is he?"

"He's your mom," Axel giggled again, rolling on the floor laughing.

"Fuck you Axel!"

"Whatever happened to Mickey?"

Riku glared at him and Chuck Norris round house kicked the countertop of the kitchen, making it smash into ashes by his fiery doomful fist. "WHERE IS BRUCE LEE?"

The entire earth heard his voice and people in Agrabah shivered from the ferocity.

"He's outside," Dammit tells him, his mouth full of Kairi's face. "I saw him go. Go get em tiger!"

Chuck Norris flicks him off, making Dammit faint to death by the painful sight of Chuck Norris's powerful finger.

"Not Dammit!" Axel cried, running to him as Chuck Norris left the room in one second. "I loved Dammit!"

Dammit's body twitched, but he never came alive.

"Karma is a bitch aint it?" Farmer Brown yelled frantically, slapping his knee as he laughed. "Ha ha you assholes! Now come fix my fucking flowers!"

"RIKU!" Axel screeched, throwing a vase at the man-maid. Riku got hit in the face and his lip began to bleed.

"Fuck Axel! WHAT? Was that seriously necessary?"

"I told you to get him outta here." Axel complained, ripping his hair out. He was now bald. Somewhere off in the distance, a woman screamed in horror. "Now hurry up and do it!"

"Fine fine," Riku rolled his eyes in a feminine way and grabbed Farmer Brown's hat, which appeared to be seriously attached to his head since he could drag the old man just by the hat. Riku kicked him to hurry up. "Hurry up you old bastard. I gotta kick your ass."

"Bring it you damn kid!"

Riku growls and throws him down, finally outside, and he sees a hole in the ground. Chuck Norris must've dug it when he stepped on the grass because it was the shape of a foot—Chuck Norris's foot. Riku smiled, getting an idea.

"Come here, geezer." Riku coaxes slyly, standing before the huge hole. He couldn't see the bottom of it; it was so dark.

Farmer Brown lunged at him angrily, slashing his hand. Sadly, he ended up hitting himself in the face since he's such a dumbass and trips into the hole. Riku shrugged. He thought it would be harder than that.

When Riku was leaving, he looked over to see Pence slamming his head against a tree, blood gushing from the wound. Riku called, "What the hell man? Is something wrong?"

Pence only ignored him and continued pounding his head. Riku shivered.

"People these days," He muttered to himself, then glanced down at his outfit, the maid outfit making him look girlie. He blushed and ran back inside, passing by Axel, who was humping the wall violently.

Whoa.

Roxas comes home, holding the bag of groceries in his arms. He opened the door to see Axel against the wall, sleeping. Blood is on the floor and Roxas cries out.

"Dammit! What happened to you?" Dammit was obviously dead, Kairi's face still in his mouth. Her body was laying next to him, lifeless and blood everywhere.

He ran to the back rooms, opening a door to find Riku and Mickey sleeping next to each other—naked. Roxas yelled in horror, covering his eyes and tripping over his very feet to scurry from the room.

He ran out in the backyard, stopping right before the hole. He looked inside curiously, seeing nothing. Hesitantly, he called, "Hello? Anyone there?"

In a very faint voice that seemed to echo, he could hear someone reply, "Damn kids!"


End file.
